一个词就可以扼杀一段友谊上

范小成 · 发表于 2015-10-19 11:16:41

本帖最后由范小成于 2015-10-19 11:20 编辑

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2015-10-19 11:14 上传

... and alternatives to keep your friendships close!
另一些词却可以使你的友谊更亲密！

Posted Oct 14, 2015

有一个词你经常会用到。这似乎是一个无害的词——它接近于没有意义，真的——但是它会缓慢地，颠覆性地破坏你的人际关系。

回忆一下最近你发给朋友所有的短信和邮件。如果它们像下面这些话一样，那么你就陷入了这个词的陷阱。

“I’d love to hang out! But I’m really busy.”
“我很想出去逛！但是我真的很忙。”

“Sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier! I’ve been so busy.”
“很抱歉我没能早点回复你！我一直忙到现在。”

“What’s going on with me? Just busy as usual!”
“我在忙啥？还不是忙平常那些事！”

你肯定猜到了这个词。这个破坏者就是“忙”。正是这个词悄悄地把你的朋友推远，并且是时候限制这个词在你社交语言中出现的次数了。

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with actually being busy – people can certainly have many obligations and still maintain great relationships. It’s not being busy that drives people away, it’s the word itself.
需要搞清楚的是，“忙”这个词本身并没有问题——当然，人们肯定有很多责任要承担，并且仍然需要保持良好的人际关系。并不是忙碌使人们远离，而是词汇本身。

让我们讨论一下为什么要结束使用“忙”的三大理由，以及三种更好的代替方法。

1. Everyone is Busy.
每个人都很忙。

In this day and age, saying you’re busy is basically like saying you’re alive. Being busy may once have been an indicator of importance; it may once have implied that many people and projects rely on you. Now, it’s a filler word that can be applied to any situation.
在这个时代和这个年龄，说你很忙基本上就像说你活着一样。忙碌在以前可能是一个重要性的标志；可能暗示着许多人和项目依赖着你。现在，忙是一个搪塞语，可以用在任何场合。

You could be 10 years into your job and be “busy.” You could be between jobs and be “busy.” You could be vacationing a lot and be “busy.” The word itself no longer relates to any specific, making it basically meaningless.
你可能已经工作了10年，“很忙”。你可能处于上一项工作和下一项工作之间，“很忙”。你可能身处在一个很长的度假期，“很忙”。这个词本身不再与任何具体的事情相关，这使得它基本上成了一个毫无意义的词。

And meaningless language is a problem for relationships because it doesn’t help other people understand what, specifically, you’re going through. It actually impedes mutual understanding.
毫无意义的语言对人际关系来说就是一个问题，因为它不能帮助其他人明白你正在经历什么具体的事情。实际上，它还会阻碍相互理解。

2. It’s Open to (Negative) Interpretation.
这是一个明白的（消极的）解释。

The vague nature of saying “I’m really busy” leaves the real reason why you’re being unavailable open to interpretation. While many people will accept “being busy” as enough of a reason for not hanging out the first few times you use it, eventually your friends will see it as a veil over a more sinister reason for not hanging out. Maybe you don’t like them anymore and are too afraid to say it.
说“我真的很忙”这种模糊的属性，会漏掉真实的原因，为什么你不能明白的解释。“很忙”已经足够作为不出去逛街的理由，虽然你在最初几次使用这个理由的时候很多人都会接受，但最后你的朋友会认为它比那些邪恶的理由更可恶。也许（他们会认为）你不再喜欢他们，并且（你）害怕说出来。

In other words, “busy” allows others to fill in the blank of your true intentions. Often, they will fill in the blank with something negative. In a worst case scenario, friends may feel like “being busy” is a way of blowing them off without having to state a reason for doing so.
换句话说，你真实的意图会成为空白表格，“忙碌”就会使他人随意填写这种空白表格。通常情况下，他们在这种表格上填写的会是一些消极信息。最糟糕的一个例子就是，朋友们会觉得“忙碌”是一种不说明任何理由就把他们剔除的行为。

3. It’s a “Not Right Now.”
“现在不行”。

Oftentimes, “being busy” simply means that you have higher priorities right now than seeing friends – which is totally fine. You may be caring for a child or launching a new product; there are lots of legitimate reasons why friendships fall down one’s list of priorities. The issue is that “ being busy” doesn’t communicate any of that.
最常见的情况就是，“忙”最简单的解释，就是你现在有比朋友更优先的事情要做——这样完全可以。你可能在照顾孩子或者推出一个新产品；会有很多正当的理由来解释为什么友情会排在一个人的优先级的末位。可问题是“忙”并没有交流这些理由。

In one of my previous posts, 5 Phrases That Can Kill a Relationship, I say that the phrase “not right now” is a relationship killer because it fosters a feeling of rejection. “Busy” is the friendship equivalent of “not right now.” It lacks a sense of caring about the other person and fosters distance as a result.
在我的前一篇文章中我说过，“现在不行”的表述是友谊的杀手，因为这会增加被拒绝的感觉。“忙”在有友谊中就等同于“现在不行”。这种说法缺少一种照顾他人的感觉，并且会导致增加距离感。

（未完见下）

紫之上 · 发表于 2015-10-20 15:35:51

期待续集！

范小成 · 发表于 2015-10-21 10:45:16

紫之上发表于 2015-10-20 15:35
期待续集！

已经有下啦~老师快来看哟

mwxf1 · 发表于 2015-11-19 09:35:14

不错的东西，谢谢

范小成 · 发表于 2015-11-19 16:03:05

不客气呢，希望能带来些许帮助

一个词就可以扼杀一段友谊 上

一个词就可以扼杀一段友谊上