10个简单的方法帮助你原谅他人

范小成

Forgiveness is a healthy choice, but not a panacea.
原谅是一种健康的选择，但不是万能药。

Posted Oct 12, 2009

Forgiveness is not a panacea. It won't make things the way they were, but it can make the days ahead better. The tips below will help you to forgive actions that have caused damage to your relationship.
原谅不是万能药。原谅不能使事物恢复成原来的样子，但却可以使以后的日子更好过。以下的建议将会帮助你原谅那些对你人际关系造成伤害的行为。

1.Forgiveness is a healthy choice.
     原谅是一个健康的选择。

Holding on to hate is toxic and the distress it causes can make you physically and emotionally vulnerable to illness. Letting it go can free you to enjoy your relationship and your life.
坚持讨厌情绪是有毒的，而且它引起的痛苦会导致身体和心理上的脆弱，使人更加容易生病。让事情过去能够使你获得自由，享受自己的人际关系和生活。

2.Choosing to not forgive is an option.
     不原谅是一种选择。

When the offender is unremorseful, unwilling or unavailable you can still heal yourself. It takes effort and introspection. If you can't get the appropriate apology, you need you accept the circumstances and find a way to move on.
当伤害你的人不知悔改，不愿意或者不能悔改时，你依然可以治愈自己。这需要自我努力和反省。如果你得不到合适的歉意，那么你就需要接受现实，并且找到一个方法继续前进。

3.Sincere remorse is a sign that forgiveness may be appropriate.
     真诚的悔恨是一个信号，告诉你也许原谅是最合适的。

When the transgressor is truly open to sincerely and undefensively work through the problem with the injured party, trust can be rebuilt.
伤害施予者能够敞开心扉针对你受到伤害的部分做出真诚地、不加防备地努力，那么还是能够重新建立信任的。

4.Forgiving and forgetting are different.
     原谅和遗忘是不一样的。

You won't create amnesia by forgiving, but just because you can't rewrite history doesn't mean you can't create a wonderful future. There will be flashbacks, but once you have forgiven you need to know that those moments are temporary and not a sign of things to come.
遗忘不会使记忆缺失，但是这并不意味着不能重写历史就不能创造一个美好的未来。在未来的日子里会出现旧事的闪回，但是一旦你已经原谅就需要让自己知道，这些瞬间是临时的，并且也不是旧事重演的信号。

5.Forgive yourself first.
     首先原谅你自己。

Some people cannot forgive themselves for their transgressions. Perhaps the memory serves to keep them from repeating their mistakes. If one is truly on the path of becoming a better person, and understands that their personal pain is a part of the journey, self-forgiveness will come in time.
有些人无法原谅自己曾经的过错。或许那些记忆能让他们避免重新犯错。如果一个人真的在慢慢变成一个好人，并且明白个人的疼痛是这个过程的一部分，那么自我原谅就会很快到来。

6.Forgiveness is hard work.
     原谅是一项艰难的工作。

It must be earned which requires accepting responsibility, understanding why the violation occurred and listening deeply. All of this takes time and a desire from both parties to heal.
接受责任，明白为什么会发生伤害，以及深度倾听，这样的做法肯定会有收获。所有的这些都需要花时间，并且双方都有这样的愿望才能愈合伤口。

7.To error is human.
     人人都会犯错。

We all make mistakes, sometimes really big ones. Understanding that will help you to keep your balance when someone unintentionally hurts you.
我们都会犯错，有时候真的会犯很大的错误。当别人无意中伤害你的时候，明白这个道理将会帮助你保持平衡。

8.Revenge is very expensive.
     报复的代价非常昂贵。

Some people can spend their lives trying to make a transgressor pay. I have seen this negative energy ruin families and future relationships. If you are holding on to this kind of anger take a serious look and how it's effecting those you love.
有些人会花费一生的时间试着去报复那些曾经伤害过自己的人。我见过很多这种带有负能量的人毁掉家庭和未来人际关系的例子。如果你正怀有这种愤怒，那么要认真的想一想，看一看这种情绪是如何影响你爱的那些人的。

9.Let bygones be bygones.
     让过去的事情过去吧。

Don't continue to bring up the past when you think you need an advantage in .a disagreement. This behavior will not allow you to really forgive and it will also make the foundation of your relationship unstable.
当你认为自己需要在争论中占据优势时，千万不要重提旧事。这种行为无法使你真正的原谅他人，并且还会使你们的关系根基不稳。

10.It's not your fault.
这不是你的错。

Some people blame themselves for bad things that others have done to them. The real truth is that this belief comes from very low self-esteem and that's where the healing needs to be focused.
当别人对他们做出不好的事情时，有些人会责怪自己。实际上，这种想法源自于很低自我尊重感，而这恰恰正是需要治愈的地方。