害怕失败？这说明你心里住着一个批评家

喵呜

Lighten up on motivating yourself with criticism.
减少批评激励自己前进

Posted Sep 15, 2015

I understand what you are trying to do. More than anything, you don’t want to fail. You don’t want to feel like the failure you think you are. So, you push. You criticize and demand more from yourself. And you don’t dare let up or others will see just how inadequate you are. I get it. I really do.
我明白你正在尝试的那些事情。你不想失败，这种想法能够超越任何事情。你不想感觉自己好像失败了一样，就像自己认为的那样。所以，你将这种感觉推得远远的。你批评自己，对自己有更多的要求。你不敢停止，否则别人就会看到你不足以胜任某项任务。我了解这种感觉。我真的了解。

But consider this. What if you are wrong?
但是想一想，假如你想错了呢？

What if you are no more inadequate than anyone else? No doubt, if you have children or close friends, you would cut them some slack. You would intuitively understand that if they do poorly on a test or blow a presentation at work, that failure does not define them as people. Maybe they really are bad at math or would do better in a different kind of job, but you would still see good in them. What if you were just as accepting of yourself?
假如再也没有人比你更合适了呢？毫无疑问，如果你有孩子或者要好的朋友，你肯定会对他们宽容一些。直觉会让你明白，如果他们考了一个很差的成绩或者在工作中搞砸展示，这种失败并不会改变你对他们的看法。他也许真的不擅长数学，或者他在其他工作中会表现的更优秀，你仍然会看到他们身上的优点。那么假如接纳你自己会怎么样呢？

It would probably hurt your heart to see your children or friends in emotional pain, stirring in you the desire to ease it. You might even want to express the compassion you feel.  And, if you did offer a hug or a shoulder to cry on, you could imagine that it would help them feel better—it might even encourage them to try again. This is certainly a better option than chiding them for their failings.  No one ever felt better from that—it’s much more likely that they’d want to give up.
看到你的孩子或者好友很痛苦，你可能也会有心碎的感觉，会涌起想要帮他们抚平痛苦的感觉。你甚至想要表达你的同情。如果你借给他们一个怀抱或者一个肩膀让他们哭泣，你可以想象得到那样做会让他们好受一些——甚至会鼓励他们再试一次。比起斥责他们的失败，这当然是一个不错的选择。没有人在遭受斥责后还感觉良好——（因为）那样更可能使他们想要放弃。

So, it’s not surprising that despite your intention of trying to motivate yourself to do better, your harsh criticism leaves you feeling emotionally pummeled and wanting to give up. Maybe, just maybe, you aren’t so different from them. You might actually feel better if you took a more kindly approach to yourself, caring about the pain you are in.  Reaching out for the support of a caring friend or taking a relaxing bath might help to soothe you. It might even spur you on to try harder.
尽管你想尝试着激励自己做的更好，但是你内心严厉的批评会打击你的情绪，以至于你想要放弃，所以这一点都不奇怪。也许，仅仅是也许，你和大多数人一样，你没有那么特别。如果你用一个更加温和的方法来接纳你自己，关心自己的伤痛，你就会感受好很多。向关心你的朋友寻求支持，或者洗一个放松的热水澡，这会帮助你缓和心绪。甚至会激励你更加努力的尝试做某件事。

This isn’t about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about realizing that you matter just as much as anyone else. But if you’re not sure you agree, or that’s not a good enough reason for you to treat yourself well, then you might want to be practical about this. Everyone fails sometimes. So, by being caring and supportive, you are more likely to persevere even in the face of failure. You are more likely to succeed in the end and to feel better about yourself in the meantime.
其实，这并不能帮助你脱离困境，只是让你明白，那些对你有重大影响的事情，对别人来说也是如此。但是如果你不确定自己是否认同这个观点，或者这个理由还不足以让你对自己更好，那么你可能要试着对自己好一点了。每个人都有失败的时候。你更可能会在最后获得成功，在此期间你也会对自己感到较为满意。

Think it over.
自信思考一下这些内容。