Some introverted tendencies that might interfere with getting needs met
一些内向的人可能有需求满足方面的困难
Post published by Sophia Dembling on Jul 31, 2015 in The Introvert's Corner
I need for you to listen. I need a hug. I need your company. I need more of your time. I need more time to myself. I need more affection. I need you to respond to texts. I need to think about some things. I need to feel important. I need...I need...I need...
我需要你的倾听。我需要一个拥抱。我需要你的陪伴。我需要你花更多的时间。我需要有更多自己的时间。我需要更多的感情。我需要你回复短信。我需要考虑一下这些事。我需要感觉到更重要。我需要……我需要……我需要……
Hard stuff to say.
很难开口。
In your relationships, are you good at expressing your needs? Can you ask for what you want?
在一段关系中，你擅长表达你的需求吗？你能开口要求你想要的东西吗？
By the time I’ve finished ruminating over a need, its intensity is either diluted by alternate viewpoints and second thoughts; or it has become so pressing that it overwhelms me and I run from it rather than indulging it.
对一个需求左思右想，当我终于停下来时，这个需求的强度就会被替代观点和第二种想法冲淡；或者这个需求变得如此紧迫，就要将我压倒，我会逃避它而不是沉浸其中。（注释：沉浸——这是一个负荷太重的字眼。当我患有头痛时，我会“沉浸”在阿司匹林里。）
And if I don’t run from the overcooked need and instead try to express it, one of two things might happen: It either explodes from me with the terrifying intensity of an emotional missile or--in an effort to prevent that--it dribbles from me in a nearly incomprehensible mumble. And so the result is that the person on the receiving end either ducks and covers and fires back; or gives me a puzzled nod and a pat on the head and ignores it.
如果我没有逃避太过分的需求，而是试着去表达它，那么有两种可能会发生：伴随着情绪火箭带来的惊人的强烈情绪会使我爆发，或者——努力阻止（爆发）——从我口中溢出近似于无法理解的嘟囔。所以结果就是接受者要么蹲下、要么躲避、要么回击；再或者冲我困惑的点头，轻轻地拍拍我的头，然后再忽视。
Result: Need not met.
结果：需求没有被满足
那么这就是我们的独立特性，这种特性是一把双刃剑。
有很多内向的人可以做并且也将会为我们自己这么做，这一点使我们中的很多人感到骄傲——也包括我。但是，我们“可以”做不代表我们总是“应该”做或者甚至“想”做。
But it’s not always easy for me to tease apart when I want to handle something myself and when I don’t, when I’m doing something alone because it’s my preference and when it’s because I fear imposing on another person. I’m a lot better at asserting my need for independence than my need for connection. I don’t want to appear…you know…needy. I don't want to feel like I'm begging.
但是，“什么时候我想亲自处理一些事情”、“什么时候我不想处理”、要梳理清楚这些对我来说往往很难，当我想独自做一些事情的时候是因为我喜欢这件事，当我不想做的时候是因为我害怕强迫他人。我更多的是将自己的需求独立于别人之外，而不是把自己的需求跟别人联系在一起。我不想表现出……你懂的……有需要。我不想觉的自己是在恳求。
（或者，也许我们真的需要更多的自主。或许我们觉得太拥挤，并且想要更多的空间。我们知道在这一点上，全世界的内向者都会说这没什么问题。当有人告诉我们这有问题时，我们必须学会坚持。但是这又是另一个讨论的话题了）
And finally, we tend to keep our thoughts to ourselves until we’re invited to speak.
最后，我们倾向于保留自己的观点直到我们被邀请发言。
Introverts often complain that people don’t ask questions of them, don’t encourage and urge them to talk about themselves. They wonder why extroverts dominate conversations, why they can’t seem to get a word in.
内向的人常常抱怨人们总是不问他们问题，不鼓励或不强迫他们谈谈自己。他们奇怪为什么外向的人能主宰谈话，为什么自己似乎就无法插话。
But isn’t always waiting for people to invite us to talk a wee bit presumptuous? And, when it comes to expressing a need, counter-productive? We can’t expect people to intuit when we have something to say. And if our need might be incompatible with theirs, it’s expecting a lot to want them to drag it out of us. Silence is going to be interpreted as acquiescence. Which is seriously uncool if we’re talking about a Bill Cosby-like situation, but is otherwise to be expected.
但是你难道不是总在等待别人邀请我们自负地谈谈自己的观点吗？并且，一谈到表达一个需求，总是适得其反，不是吗？我们不能期待别人靠直觉感知我们什么时候有话要说。并且，如果我们的需求与别人矛盾，就会十分期待别人邀请我们发言。沉默会被翻译成接受。如果我们讨论的是诸如比尔·考斯比一样的事情，那么这就非常的不爽，但（除非你主动）否则还是期待着（被邀请发言）吧。
It might also be a little bit passive-aggressive, don't you think? We don't express a need, then we get to blame others for not filling it?
这可能有一点消极抵抗的味道，你不觉得吗？我们不表达需求，然后我们责怪他们没有满足我们。
沪公网安备31010702001259号 )
发表于 2015-8-4 10:58:31
收藏
分享
