1. Apologize and Take Responsibility
道歉及承担责任
Yes, we need to apologize and say we are sorry. It is polite, respectful, and more likely to get us further in the future. "I am sorry. What I did was wrong/incorrect/not the right thing to do, and I want to take responsibility for it" is an example of an effective apology with responsibility.
是的，我们需要道歉以及说对不起。这是礼貌，是尊重，有希望让我们在未来走得更远。“我很抱歉。我做的事情是不对的/不正确的/不合适的，我会为我做的事情承担责任。”这就是一个承担责任的、有效道歉的例子。
2. Make Amends
做出补偿
I have borrowed this from the 12-step recovery models. We make amends by making up for what we did that was wrong or incorrect. We share what we will do now to repair what we did. For example, " I will make up for being late for curfew by coming home an hour early for the next three days" or "I will do your laundry for the next week to make up for wearing your clothes without asking." Make amends, and do so by taking action about what you will do now to make up for what you have done.
我借鉴了12步恢复模式。针对我们做错的或不正确的那部分做出弥补。现在分享一下，接下来要做什么可以弥补已经做错的事情。比如，“为了弥补宵禁令的迟到，我将会在接下来的三天中提早回家一个小时”或者“我在接下来的一个星期中会为你洗衣服，以此来弥补未经允许而借穿你衣服的错误。”做出弥补，并且马上付出实践，对你做错的事情做出补偿。
3. Learn for the Future
为了未来而学习
The third part of an effective apology is to say (and, of course follow through with) what you will do to avoid making the same mistake in the future. If you said something rude or critical, make a plan to pause, think before you react, or be mindful before you open your mouth. If you are chronically late, let the person know the concrete actions and steps you will do to avoid being late in the future. Show that you can and are willing to learn from your mistakes.
有效道歉的第三部分就是，说以后你将会怎样做才能避免犯同样的错误（当然，也要按照你承诺的那样去做）。如果你说了什么粗鲁或者批判性的话，那么计划暂停一下，行动之前先想一想，或者谨慎思考之后再开口。如果你习惯性地迟到，那么让他人知道你将采取什么样的具体行为和步骤来避免以后再次迟到。展示出你能够吸取教训并且也愿意吸取教训的品质。
Sometimes a simple apology is sufficient, but for repeated mistakes or offenses, we need to take it to the next level and try something like this. Showing we know how what we did was wrong or upset the person, taking initiative to do something about it, and being willing to make changes so this doesn't happen in the future is a way of validating the person we are apologizing to. It also makes us look good, and shows that we are willing to take initiative. It is "a hella mature way to apologize and look good doing it" according to one of my teenaged clients.
有时候一个简单的道歉就足够，但是对于那些重复性的犯错和冒犯，我们需要把它上升一个等级，并且试着这样做。展示出我们知道自己的所作所为错在哪里，或者如何使他人生气，对此主动地做出改正，并且愿意做出改变以避免将来再次发生，这对我们道歉的对象来说是一种有效的方式。同时这样做也能让我们看起很优秀，并且也显示出我们愿意积极主动的改正。据我的一个青少年客户说，这是“一种非常成熟的道歉方式，并且践行诺言也会给他人留下很好的形象。”
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发表于 2015-9-24 13:40:02
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