当你没有边界的时候就很难照顾好自己

司马如花 · 发表于 2015-12-1 11:24:52

本帖最后由司马如花于 2015-12-3 11:01 编辑

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5 Signs You're Trying too Hard to Please Everyone
五个信号说明你正在非常努力地取悦每一个人

Posted Aug 13, 2015

从本质上说，取悦他人并不是一个件坏事——想让你的家人或者管理者高兴这个想法很健康。但是有很多次你都想取悦他人，这就变成了一个问题。这里有五个信号显示你是努力取悦他人的人，这种情况就是不健康的：

1. You Can't Say No
你无法说不

Saying yes to everyone's requests means you're saying no to something else. Whether your willingness to volunteer for a committee takes time away from your family, or your inability to say no to a neighbor's dinner invitation means you won't have time to go to the gym, saying yes to everything has consequences.
对每个人的要求说好就意味着你对某些东西说不。不管你是为委员会做一名志愿者而自愿地牺牲家庭时间，还是你无法拒绝一个邻居的晚宴邀请而不能去体育馆，总之，对每一件事情说好都会带来影响。

Tip: If yes has become your automatic answer, start saying, "I'll have to look into that and get back to you." Then, take a few minutes to consider what you want to do before you make any promises.
小贴士：如果yes已经变成了你的自动应答，那么开始这样说，“我查看一下再回复你。”然后，在做出任何承诺之前花几分钟时间思考一下，你想做什么。

2. You Struggle to Make Decisions
你很难做出决定

If you're used to answering questions based on what you think other people want to hear, you'll likely have difficulty making decisions. Everything from choosing a new pair of shoes to deciding where to eat lunch can seem like a life-altering choice when you've allowed other people's opinions to drown out your own voice.
觉得别人想听什么，如果你习惯基于这个做出回答，那么你很可能在做决定上有困难。当你允许别人的观点淹没自己的声音时，每一件事情——从选择一双新鞋到决定去哪里吃饭——就好像是改变生活的一种选择。

Tip: Make self-awareness a priority. Start paying attention to your likes and dislikes. Get to know which activities help you feel most alive and which drain your energy. With practice, you'll develop an increased awareness of your opinions.
小贴士：把自我意识作为优先事项。开始注意你喜欢的和不喜欢的事情。去了解哪些活动能够帮助你感觉到更有活力，哪些活动会消耗你的精力。多多练习，你将会增强对自我观点的意识。

3. You Don't Ask for Help
你不要求帮忙

Sometimes the people who are most likely to say yes to everyone else's requests are the least likely to ask others for help. If you struggle to ask for help—even with little favors or small tasks—you may be missing out on a lot of opportunities in life.
有时，那些很可能对每个人的要求说yes的人最不可能向他人求助。如果你很难向他人求助——即使是很小的帮助或微小的任务——你也可能会错过很多生命中的机遇。

Tip: Set out to make one simple request per day—even if it's as simple as asking a friend to proof-read an email or a co-worker to save you a seat at a meeting. The more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get asking for help.
小贴士：着手每天设定一个小请求——即使是简单地要求一个朋友帮你校对一封邮件或者请同事帮你在会议室占一个位置，你做的越多，将来在请求帮忙的时候就会越舒服。

4. You Aren't Living According to Your Values
你不是按照自己价值观生活。

If you invest all your energy into doing what you think others want, it's impossible to live according to your own values. If you value time with your children, yet you can't say no to a friend who always asks for favors, you'll struggle to do the things that are most important to you. There are only so many hours in the day, so it's important to invest your time doing the things that matter most to you.
如果你把全部的精力投入到思考他人想要什么，那么你想按照自己的价值观生活是不可能的。如果你珍惜和孩子们在一起的时光，你也无法拒绝那个总是向你求助的朋友，那么你会很难去做那些对你来说很重要的事情。一天就那么多的时间，所以把时间用来做你最在乎的事情，这一点很重要。

Tip: Examine how you spend most of your time each day and consider whether you're really devoting enough energy to the things that are most important to you. If not, establish goals that will help you start living more in sync with your values.
小贴士：检查你每天的大部分时间是如何花去的，并且思考你是否真的投入了足够多的时间到对你最重要的事情上。如果没有，建立目标将会帮助你，使你的生活与自己的价值观更一致。

5. You Don't Set Healthy Boundaries
你不设立健康界限

Whether you can't say no to a friend who constantly asks to borrow money, or you're afraid to speak up when your mother-in-law meddles in your marriage, unhealthy boundaries can wreak havoc on your life. When you let other people infringe on your time and space, you're likely to grow resentful toward them.
不管你是无法对那个经常向你借钱的朋友说No，还是婆婆干涉你们的婚姻时你不敢发声，不健康的界限会给你的生活造成浩劫。如果你允许别人对你的时间和空间指手画脚，那么你很可能会对他们升起怨恨之情。

Tip: Refuse to let people take advantage of you. Take back your power and accept that speaking up may cause people to become angry with you. Over time, you'll see that displeasing people isn't as bad you imagined.
小贴士：拒绝让他人利用你。拿回你的权力并且接受这个事实——大声说出自己的声音可能会引起别人对你的愤怒。经过一段时间，你会明白不取悦他人并不如你想象的那样糟糕。

Find the Strength to Be Your Best
找出一些强项成为你最棒的地方

It's impossible to feel mentally strong when all your energy goes toward pleasing everyone around you. The good news is you don't need permission from anyone else to take steps toward becoming the strongest and best version of yourself.
当你把所有的精力拿去取悦周围的每一个人时，想要感受到内心的强大是不可能的。好消息是你不必征求任何人的许可就能一步步变成最强大、最好的自己。

凡尘荼靡 · 发表于 2015-12-1 19:39:56

学习了。

ghjns · 发表于 2015-12-1 21:10:16

感谢分享！

Emma · 发表于 2015-12-1 23:02:47

学习了，谢谢分享！！

李家小肥 · 发表于 2015-12-2 09:42:01

说的非常好

司马如花 · 发表于 2015-12-3 11:02:27

多谢大家的支持

9zjuzilaoshi · 发表于 2015-12-3 14:11:31

学习了，谢谢分享！！

司马如花 · 发表于 2015-12-8 11:11:34

很高兴能帮助到大家

水松 · 发表于 2018-4-19 11:50:25

谢谢分享，很好材料

水松 · 发表于 2018-6-28 09:56:33

说的很好

醉清风258297293 · 发表于 2020-10-15 15:10:19

谢谢分享，学习了！