为什么他人比你先注意到你的消极态度

喵呜 · 发表于 2015-11-24 14:41:23

本帖最后由喵呜于 2015-11-24 14:49 编辑

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Posted Nov 12, 2015

How passive you are in life depends on your personality, your perceptions of the world and your place in it, your feelings of empowerment and entitlement, and of course, the specifics of the situation. Passivity can be a useful strategy and a healthy coping mechanism in some situations. However, it can also become habitual. When passivity dominates our responses and interactions and begins to determine our general approach to life, it can end up doing more harm than good.
在生活中你有多消极取决于你的性格、你的世界观和你在世界观中的地位，你对授予权利和应有权利的感觉，当然，还有具体情况。有时候，消极的心态是一种有用的策略和一种健康的应对机制。然而，它也能变成习惯性的行为。当消极心态主导了我们的回应和互动以及开始决定我们对待生活的一般方法时，最终它带来的坏处要大于好处。

The problem is people often do not realize how passive they've become and they often significantly underestimate how apparent their passivity is to others as well.
问题是人们常常意识不到他们是如何变得消极的，并且他们常常严重地低估了他们如何表现自己的消极同样也会对他人有影响。

以下列表的目的就是帮助你评估是否有消极倾向和消极行为，以及你是否应该尝试着改变它们。

消极的人们是怎样看待这个世界的：

1. They leave their future to the ‘fates’: “Relationships shouldn’t require so much effort – if we’re supposed to be together, things will just work out.” Sometimes things do work out but they are much more likely to do so when both members of the couple take an active role in building a solid relationship.
他们将自己的未来交给“命运”：“人际关系不应该需要这么多的努力——如果我们注定在一起，事情就会那样发生。”有时候，事情发生了，只有当双方的成员都积极建立一个牢固的关系时他们才会更跟着这样做。

2. They believe things just ‘happen’: “Why do bad things always happen to me?” or “Good things never happen to me!” Both bad and good things happen to everyone. You can wait around for a good thing to happen or you can be proactive and make one happen.
他们相信事情自己“发生”：“为什么不好的事情总会发生在我身上？”或者“好的事情从来不会发生在我身上！”每个人身上都会发生好的事情和不好的事情。你可以等待好的事情降临或者你可以主动积极地促使好的事情发生。

3. They confuse failure with destiny: “I guess I’m not meant to _____ (fill in the blank).” Failure is part of the journey not the last stop. Adopt the three Ps: Patience, perseverance and persistence.
他们把失败和宿命混淆在一起：“我猜我注定不会 _____ （填写空白）。”失败是旅程的一部分而不是终点。采用这三点建议：耐心，恒心与毅力。

4. They believe ‘luck’ is an important ingredient for success: “Luck just wasn’t on my side,” or “Other people get all the breaks!” Luck, however you define it, is not in your control but preparation, planning, effort, and timing, are, so focus on those variables instead.
他们相信“好运”是成功的一个重要成分：“好运只是不站在我这边，”或者“其他人得到了所有的机会！”不管你如何定义好运，它都不受你控制，但是准备、计划、努力以及掌握时机都在你的掌控之内，所以将精力集中在这些可控制的因素上吧。
How Passive People Communicate to Others:
消极的人是如何与他人交流的：

5. Their language is hesitant and tentative: “It’s possible that maybe it could be kind of like that,” or “Okay, so… um.., I eh…” pay attention to qualifiers and hesitations and practice speaking more fluently—this is sheer habit, so it can be changed.
他们的语言是犹豫的和试探性的：“有可能，它也许是那种类型的，”或者“好的，所以…呃…唔，我嗯…”注意这些修饰词、迟疑地的态度以及尝试着讲话更流利——这是纯粹的习惯，所以这是能被改变的。

6. They’re big on approval-seeking: “I hope you don’t mind me saying…” or “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to suggest…” If everyone else in the meeting is throwing out suggestions and opinions, asking permission to offer yours makes you look ‘less than’.
他们热衷于寻求赞许：“我希望你不介意我这样说……”或者“如果你觉得可以的话，我想建议……”如果在会议上每个人都扔出建议和观点，而你为了提出你的想法征求许可，这会让你看起来“不那么重要”。

7. They belittle their own views: “I could be wrong but,” or “I’m no expert but maybe…” Starting a statement by suggesting you could be wrong makes people less likely to conclude you’re right. You’re literally making it harder for them to accept what you have to say.
他们贬低自己的想法：“我可能是错的但是，”或者“我不是专家但是也许……”提建议的时候用你可能是错的为开头，很难让人得出你是正确的结论。你在字面上搞得复杂，为他们接受你说的话带来难度。

8. They have trouble committing to a position: “Hmm, both of the options have merit…” You might be trying to minimize potential conflict by not endorsing any of the options but it makes you come across as indecisive, hesitant, and even fearful. If you have an opinion, voice it.
他们在承认立场上有困难：“嗯，两种选择都有优点……”你很有可能通过不赞成任何一种选项来试着减少潜在冲突，但是这会让你看起来毫无决断力、犹豫不决、以及很害怕。如果你有了选择，大声说出来。
How Passive People Defer to Others:
消极的人是如何遵从他人的：

9. They put the other person’s needs first: “I could have desert but if you’d rather just get the check, that’s fine.” You’re communicating that the other person’s needs are more important than yours, which is probably not the kind of general dynamic you want to be setting up. If you want desert, just say you want desert.
他们把别人的需求放在第一位：“我已经吃过甜点了，但是你想再买一些，也可以。”你是在表达他人的需求比你的更重要，这或许不是你想要建立起来的那种广义动态。如果你想要甜点，就说你想要甜点。

10.They say “yes” when they would prefer to say “no”: “I have an early start tomorrow but, sure, I can drive you home.” You're worried the other person will feel offended or upset if you say not but that depends with how you say no. You can be sincere and apologetic but still emphasize your early start the next day.
当他们更想说“NO”的时候却说了“YES”：“明天早上我有个早会，但是当然，我可以送你回家。”如果拒绝，你会担心别人觉得被冒犯或者生气，但这取决于你如何拒绝。你可以真诚的、抱歉的拒绝，但仍然要强调你在第二天有早会。

xiuzhenyezi · 发表于 2015-11-24 15:00:28

我更想说“NO”的时候却说了“YES”，自认为是老好人的表现，没想到是消极的表现。

Emma · 发表于 2015-11-25 09:04:59

真好，学习了！

喵呜 · 发表于 2015-11-25 10:01:47

xiuzhenyezi 发表于 2015-11-24 15:00
我更想说“NO”的时候却说了“YES”，自认为是老好人的表现，没想到是消极的表现。 ...

想说“不”的时候却说了“好
https://www.xinlilaoshi.com/foru ... &extra=page%3D1

老师可以看看这篇文章啊，说不定能带来点帮助呢

凡尘荼靡 · 发表于 2015-11-25 21:40:58

真好，学习了！

喵呜 · 发表于 2015-11-27 09:42:58

不客气的呢，希望带来些许帮助