[attach]8910[/attach] The hardest part about losing a loved one is not that they’re gone.
失去最爱的人，最难过的部分不是他们已经离开。
Posted Aug 31, 2015
Someone once told me: The hardest part about losing a loved one is not that they’re gone, but that you’re still here. 有人曾经告诉我：失去最爱的人，最难的部分不是他们已经离开，而是你依然活着。
Suddenly, our hero discovers his life’s purpose. She will finish college. He will commit to the girl. She will go on the adventure of a lifetime.
突然，我们的英雄发现了他生活中的目标。她将坚持完成大学课程。他将答应那个女孩。她将用剩余的一生继续冒险。
“It was like a gift from God or my mom. I think she was giving me something so I didn’t have to get crushed under the weight of my grief.”
“这就像是上帝或者妈妈赐给我的礼物。我认为她给了我一些东西，以至于我不会在沉重的悲伤面前全盘崩溃。”
In The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion recounts the year following the sudden death of her husband and her daughter’s illness. She uses this terrible tragedy to write (link is external) a beautiful tribute to her marriage – and her profound confrontation with grief. (She so eloquently writes: “Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it.”)
在《奇思年代》中，琼蒂蒂安简述了丈夫突然死亡，接着女儿得病的那些经历。她利用这个可怕的悲剧写出了对婚姻最好的悼念——以及她与悲伤深刻的对抗。（所以她雄辩地写道：“哀伤变成了一个没人知道的地方，直到我们去过那里。”）
Not everyone can shape grief into something extraordinary, however. 然而，并不是所有的人都能将伤心转化成令人惊奇的结果。
In my case, sometimes just getting through the day seems like victory, so it seems silly to compare my grief to others. 于我而言，有时候仅仅是度过艰难的一天就是像是胜利，所以拿我的悲伤和别人的悲伤对比，这种行为似乎很愚蠢。
But, I still wonder -- is there a right way to deal with death?
但是，我依然好奇——世界上有应对死亡的正确方法吗？
在《论死亡与临终》一书中，作者库柏尔罗斯率先将广泛认识的哀伤分为五个阶段：
Denial
否认
Anger
愤怒
Bargaining
商讨
Depression
消沉
Acceptance
接纳
更多的人熟悉的是这种模式。然而，还是有很多人不同意这种观点，他们觉得这种模式坏处大于帮助。
怀疑论者杂志的一篇文章中，其研究人员的目的是揭开隐藏在这些阶段背后的理论：
“The fact is, no study has ever established that stages of grief actually exist, and what are defined as such can’t be called stages. Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss… No matter how much people want to create simple, iron clad guidelines for the human emotions of grief, there are no stages of grief that fit every person or relationship.”
事实上，从来没有研究证明哀伤的各个阶段真正的存在。并且像这样的定义并不能称之为阶段。哀伤是回应失去的正常、自然的情绪……无论有多少人想为人类的哀伤情绪开创一个简单的、铁一般的规定，但是不会存在适合每一个人或每一种关系的哀伤阶段。