1. Does the current difficulty reflect a trend or a one-time event?
最近的困难反应的是一个趋势还是一次性事件？
If a friend that is normally supportive just cannot be there for you because of something that has unexpectedly shown up in her own life, cut her some slack. However, if you feel that the relationship is suffering more than a normal dip in its give-and-take, this may indicate a more significant shift in its strength or stability and may warrant a discussion about the change.
如果一个朋友会经常性地支持你，仅仅是这次没能在你身边，因为她的生活中出现了一些不可预期的变化，那么就放她一马吧。然而，如果你感觉到这段关系正在遭遇是的“给予-回报”超出了正常水平，可能预示着这段关系在亲密程度或稳定程度上有了更重要的变化，那么有必要针对这个变化讨论一下。
2. Have you been there for her when she needed you?
当她需要你的时候，你在她身边吗？
Sometimes, our own immediate needs skew our self-perceptions of the friendship balance. When the give-and-take of support becomes undeniably unbalanced, you may need to reflect on whether your own patterns of “giving” warrants the amount of “taking” that you want to receive.
有时候，即时性需求会曲解我们对友情平衡的看法。当支持体系的“给予-回报”变得不可否认的不平衡时，你可能需要反思自己的“给予”，是否确保了你想要的“回报”。
3. Do you make it easy for others to befriend you?
别人和你做朋友容易吗？
Some women can be their own worst enemies when it comes to receiving support. Do you minimize the efforts your friends make to help you out? Do you minimize your own needs, so that friends don’t recognize when you actually need their support? Do a self-check and see if you are keeping friends from being there when you need them.
当提到接受支持时，有些女性就会是自己最大的敌人。你有没有将朋友为帮助你摆脱困境而做出的努力最小化？你有没有将自己的需求最小化，以至于朋友无法意识到在什么时候你真的需要她们的支持？自我检查一下，看看你自己是否在需要他们的时候让他们远离自己。
4. Do you have realistic expectations of how emotional support should look between friends?
朋友之间应该有怎样的支持，对于这个观点你是否有切合实际的期盼？
Sometimes, we may want a friend to be more than a friend; we may want a friend to be our mother, our therapist, and our psychic all rolled up into one. While it may be normal to occasionally want that kind of support, it is not normal to be able to receive it all from a single friend. Even the best of friends can only do so much for their BFFs!
有时候，我们想要一个朋友做的远不止是一个朋友；可能我们想让朋友成为母亲、治疗师，以及心灵感应者的三合一。偶尔想要这种支持很正常，但是想从一个朋友身上接受到全部的支持就有点不正常了。即使是最好的朋友也只能为他们最铁的朋友做到这么多！
5. Are you asking for more than you honestly deserve in a relationship?
在一段关系中，你要求的有没有比你实际需求的多？
朋友不可能提供无限的支持，不可能提供无限的赞美、耐心、鼓励、安慰或保证。就像你一样，他们也会有“情绪空洞”的时候。如果你知道你自己特别的“难伺候”或者是特别“需要精神支柱”的人，你可能需要放你的朋友一马。
If you realize that the problem friend is really yourself, take steps to scale back the need for an audience of supporters. You can research some self-help practices for self-soothing and self-care. Meditation, yoga, journaling, and exercise are all excellent ways to gain self-awareness and self-control, in terms of understanding and making sense of the events experienced in your life. Truly, learning how to be a good friend to yourself is one of the most enduring and positive developments you can master.
如果你意识到有问题的朋友实际上是自己，那么你就要采取措施削减需要观众支持型的需求了。你可以查找一些自助的练习，帮助自己平复情绪和照顾自己。冥想、瑜伽、旅行，以及所有很棒的体育锻炼，通过这些来获得自我意识和自我控制，理解和明白你在生活中经历的事情。说真的，学着怎样做自己的好朋友是你能掌握的最持久和最积极的发展。
6. Are you better off with her or without her in your life?
在你的生活中，有她和没她你都会幸福吗？
当你需要情感支持的时候，如果一个朋友将其他的资源带到这段关系中，这种资源使得朋友的陪伴黯然失色，你可能会决定让她进入友情支持的领域。然而，要当心情感的吸血鬼。有些朋友会吸取你的能量，要求你的支持，但是只回报你一点点或毫无回报。对于这种朋友，我们可以做到没有他们也行。也请记住，那种不健康的关系会使你的健康和幸福受损。
You have to decide if a friend’s presence in your friendscape is worth the costs of the friendship. If you choose to maintain the relationship, it’s important to admit to yourself that you are intentionally making this choice. This should help you focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and allow the negative aspects to remain in the periphery of your emotional lens.
你必须决定，一个朋友的出现朋友圈里是否值得友谊付出的代价。如果你选择维持这段关系，那么承认自己有意地做出这种选择就变得很重要。这样能帮助你将注意力集中在这段关系积极的一面上，并且让消极的一面停留在情绪透镜的外围。