Statements of parental pride that the child valued can miscarry with a teen
父母自傲式的话语，会得到孩子的重视，也会误导青少年
Post published by Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D. on Apr 06, 2015 in Surviving (Your Child's) Adolescence
"The more I read about you, the more I appreciate what I'm up against."
对你了解的越多，我越感激我所做的抵抗
Now is when statements of parental pride can miscarry or even be counterproductive. Consider a few common examples. 这个时候父母的自豪感就会受挫，甚至会有反作用。思考一下几个常见的例子。
The adolescent can feel undue pressure to gratify parents. “I have to please my parents at all costs.”
为了使父母满意，青少年承受更大的压力。“我必须不惜一切代价取悦父母。”
The adolescent can be in fear of disappointing or being a disappointment to parents. “I can’t bear to let my parents down.”
青少年会害怕失望或者辜负父母的期望。“我不能让父母失望。”
The adolescent can feel responsible for keeping up parental image and self-esteem by maintaining high performance. “My doing well is the high point of my parents’ lives.”
青少年觉得有责任通过保持优秀来维护父母眼中的自己的形象和自尊。“我的优秀是父母生活中的亮点。”
The adolescent can pursue some activity not for personal enjoyment but for pleasing parents. “I would have given it up, except it matters so much to my parents.”
青少年追求某些活动是为了让父母高兴，而不是为了自己的个人喜好。“我很想要放弃它，但是它对我的爸爸妈妈很重要。”
The adolescent can resent parents appropriating personal credit for her or his performance. “They treat my achievement as their own.”
青少年会怨恨父母，父母把孩子个人的荣誉归功于他或她的表现。“他们把我的成就当做是他们自己的。”
The adolescent can rebelliously fall away from what causes parental pride in order to assert independence. “Whatever they enjoy me doing is what I’m not going to do.”
为了表示独立的坚定性，青少年们会反抗性地远离能够引起父母骄傲的事物。“他们想让我做什么我就偏不做什么。”
The adolescent can act on the belief that gratifying parental pride is selling out individuality. “I know I’m my own person when my parents don’t like how I look.”
青少年会有一种信念，使父母满意就会出卖自己的个人兴趣。“虽然父母不喜欢我的样子，但是我知道我是自己的主人。”
Parental pride can have different roots. Consider three that make it easy for parental pride to grow: 父母的骄傲有不同的根源。考虑三种容易促使父母增长自豪感的因素：
parental investment, social competition, and the parent/child equation.
亲本投入，社会竞争，父母/孩子平等。
To avoid falling prey to this equivalence, it can be helpful to remember that good parents have good children who will sometimes make bad choices in the normal trial and error process of growing up.
为了避免陷入这种怪圈，记住这一点是很有帮助的：优秀的父母养育的优秀的孩子，有时也会在正常的审问或错误的成长过程中做出糟糕的选择。
No parenting is entirely free of some sense of identification with the child.
没有父母能够完全独立于对孩子的认同。
那么家长们应该如何对待为人父母的骄傲呢？也许他们可以这样想。
养育一个孩子或青少年的初衷并不是为了让家长自豪，更像是上天赐予我们值得感激的礼物——在他们成长中，给与他们关怀。
Suppose, when the child or adolescent performs well, instead of bluring the lines of responsibility and saying “We are proud of you,” they say instead “Good for you!” “You’ve done really well for yourself!” “We are happy for you!”
也许，孩子或青少年表现优异时，我们不要模糊责任界限，说“我们为你骄傲”，取而代之，可以说“你真棒！”“你已经表现的很好了！”“我们为你感到高兴！”
Congratulating the adolescent without congratulating themselves, the credit and the focus stay where they belong.
为孩子庆祝的时候不要捎带上自己，将荣誉和焦点保持在属于它们的地方。 作者: 雷曼2013 时间: 2015-4-13 14:39
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