1. Teach your child about choices and consequences. 教给你的孩子：选择和后果
孩子试探底线和尝试反抗是很自然的事情。
But if your child routinely rebels against the rules you lay out, an age-appropriate consequence needs to be enforced. It is very important to frame this consequence as a choice.
但是如果你的孩子经常违反你制定的规则，就要加强与年龄相当的惩罚。将后果形成一种选择是非常重要的。
Say: "If you choose not to tidy your room, you will not be able to watch your favorite television program tonight.”
可以说：“如果选择不整理你的房间，那么今天晚上就不可以看你最喜欢的电视节目。”
Not: “Tidy your room NOW or else no TV!”
不要说：“整理你的房间，马上！否则就不许看电视！”
Every time your child sees you “fib” or “fudge the truth” in order to back out of a commitment — or evade a consequence you don’t want — a clear lesson is being taught: “It’s all good as long as we don’t get caught.”
每次孩子看见你为了毁约而“说瞎话”或“捏造事实”——或者回避你不想承担的后果——这样就会很清楚地告诉孩子：“只要我们不被抓就没事。”
我想我没有必要详尽地描述为什么这种特别的“课程”非常有害——这种暗示可以影响孩子的整个成年生活。
“When I say ‘no’ to you, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I love you very much. And because I love you so much, I set rules that keep you safe and help you to grow up healthy and strong. I am your parent, and I am responsible for you. That’s why I am saying ‘no’.”
“当我对你说‘不行’的时候，不代表我不爱你。恰恰相反，我非常爱你。正因为我是如此的爱你，我才会设定规则保证你的安全，帮助你健康茁壮地成长。我是的你的家长，所以我必须对你负责。这就是我说‘不行’的原因。”
Of course, saying words like “make good choices” or “be a person of integrity” mean very little unless you are actively modeling the values that you claim are important.
当然，只是说这样的句子，比如“做出正确的选择”或者“做一个诚实正直的人”是没什么意义的，除非你积极地实践你所宣称的那些很重要的价值观。
以身作则，你才更有可能获得孩子的尊重和合作。一旦他们尊重你，反抗就不是什么问题了。
Again: it’s never too early to teach children the right way to behave in the world. The sooner you get started, the better. But it’s also never too late to help your kids “un-learn” negative lessons and make significant improvements.
再强调一次：教导孩子相信世界的正确方法，从来都不会嫌早。越早开始越好。但是帮助孩子“抵制”消极课程什么时候都不嫌晚，帮助孩子做出重大改变什么时候都不嫌晚。