许多专家都会告诉你，正确的、行之有效的交流方法就是分享你的感觉。However, I feel upset that you are not listening to me—again, just makes the other person wrong. 然而，每当你不听我说的时候，我就会很生气——这样只会让另一方再次做错事情。
It is important to communicate your feelings honestly, but doing so, without justifying them by blaming the other person, can be quite difficult. Just stating what you feel—I feel sad, I feel hurt, I feel angry—can leave you feeling vulnerable.
诚然，坦诚地说出你的感受是十分重要的，但是通过不指责他人来为自己辩白却很难做到。仅仅是说出自己的感受——我很悲伤，感觉很受伤害，我很生气——会使你感到更脆弱。
Alternate feeling statements with statements about what you want.
交替地讲述你的感觉和你想要的。 1.State what you feel. Stick to single word descriptors and wait for a response.
说明你的感觉。坚持单字描述，并且等待回答。
2.Then tell them what you want, not what they did wrong. Be as specific as possible and give examples of what you would like them to do differently.
然后告诉他们你想要什么，而不要说他们做错了什么。尽可能详细的举例说明，你想要他们怎么样改变。
这两步交替使用。
If it is important to address a specific behavior they are doing directly, then place the emphasis on how it is making you feel and not their behavior being wrong, and always provide concrete examples of what you want them to do differently.
如果一定要直接地强调一个具体行为，那么就要着重强调这种行为给了你怎么样的感觉，而不是他们的行为不正确，并且给出详细的例子，你希望他们怎么做。
Just remember, asking someone to stop doing something you don’t like such as criticizing you, is distinctly different from asking them to give you more of what you want such as support. The first scenario, makes them wrong and shuts them down, the second one empowers them to help you and provides an opportunity for them to feel good.
请记住，要求别人停止做你不喜欢的事情，与要求他们给你更多的你想要的东西（比如支持），是截然不同的两回事。在第一幕谈话中，会让他们犯错误，停滞不前，第二幕中，会让他们帮助你，并且还会给他们提供一个自我感觉良好的机会。 We don’t control how other people respond to us, but we do influence others greatly with our own behavior. If you know what you are trying to achieve from the conversation, i.e, what it is you want, then staying focused on that goal will go a long way to helping you get there.
我们不能控制别人怎么回答，但是我们可以用自己的行为最大程度的影响别人。如果你知道你想从一场谈话中获得什么，比如你想要的是什么，那么把精力集中在那个目标上，就会帮助你到达那里。