[attach]10572[/attach] The pressure we put on our kids to succeed may reflect our own economic anxiety
为了获得成功我们对孩子施加的压力正反应了自己的经济焦虑
Posted Dec 02, 2015
If you have kids, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about their future, trying to decide when to push them to try harder and when to back off.
如果有孩子，你也许会花很多时间思考来他们的未来，试着决定什么时候推他们一把让他们更努力，以及决定什么时候要后退。
We read about Tiger Moms who send their kids to Harvard or Carnegie Hall, and we might think, "Should I have done more?
我们读过有关虎妈的报道，虎妈教育自己的孩子，使得孩子们上哈佛大学或者去卡内基音乐厅，我们也许会想，“我是不是应该做得更多？”
We also hear about the sometimes tragic effects of parents' efforts to launch their children toward success and we think, "Thank goodness that's not my family."
有时我们也会听到父母努力逼迫孩子达到成功最终却酿成悲剧，这时我们会想“谢天谢地那不是我们家。”
As a mother myself, and as a psychologist who specializes in families, I am deeply familiar with these questions.
作为一个母亲，并且也是一名家庭治疗师，我非常非常熟悉这些问题。
But when we think about the problem in this individualistic way—how best to provide for my child—we ignore larger socioeconomic and political circumstances that make families insecure and push the drive to succeed into overdrive.
但是当我们以个人主义的方式思考这个问题时——如何能最好的给孩子提供支持——我们忽略了大的社会经济和政治环境，这个环境会让家庭感到不安全，并且把驱使奔向成功变为过度驱使。
Wages for most Americans are stagnating. Health care and a college education are not a universal right, but a personal expense. Almost every family fears—and many also experience—economic hardship.
对大多数的美国人来说他们的工资是停滞不前的。医疗保障和受高等教育（指上大学）不是一个普遍的权利，而是个人承担费用。几乎每一个家庭都会害怕——并且有很多家庭也会经历——经济困难。
With very few safety nets, families have to fend for themselves. Understandably, parents are anxious.
只有少数几个安全保障，所以很多家庭必须为自己谋生路。因此很容易明白，家长们都很焦虑。
So it's not surprising that many well-meaning parents push kids toward what they hope will ensure a secure future; good grades, top colleges, and prestigious jobs. But we can't assure a secure future for our kids by pushing them to achieve more.
许多善意的父母推着孩子向前，向着自己希望的能够保证安全的未来发展，这就不足为奇了；优异的成绩、顶尖的大学、以及知名的工作。但是我们并不能通过推着孩子取得更多的成就来确保他们有一个安全的未来。
Instead, we need a shift in our thinking: from anxiety to empathy, from me to us.
取而代之，我们需要转变自己的想法：从焦虑变为同情，从我变为我们。
Rather than trying to relieve our anxiety about the future by focusing on our own families, we would be better served by using our resources to make things better for everyone.
与其通过将注意力集中在家人身上来试着减轻我们的焦虑，倒不如更好地服务自己，通过利用我们的资源让事情变得对每个人都好。
Research shows that countries with the greatest well-being and economic success have the most involved citizens and economic equality, plus strong social safety nets. In these happiest countries, people work together to create public institutions that benefit everyone.
研究显示经济繁荣福利丰厚的国家都与居民有很深的关系并且经济平等，加之它们还有很强的社会安全保障。在这些快乐的国家里，人们一起工作创造公共服务，惠及每一个人。
So if what we really want for our kids is well-being and a secure future, let's stop focusing so intently on our own children and think about everyone's children.
所以如果我们真正想要的是让我们的孩子幸福以及有一个安全的未来，就让我们停下来将如此强烈的注意力集中在自己的孩子身上，去思考每一个人的孩子吧。
Instead of pressuring our kids to do more, we should be pressuring our politicians.
我们应该向我们的政策施压，而不是向我们的孩子施加更多的压力。