Saying yes to everyone's requests means you're saying no to something else. Whether your willingness to volunteer for a committee takes time away from your family, or your inability to say no to a neighbor's dinner invitation means you won't have time to go to the gym, saying yes to everything has consequences.
对每个人的要求说好就意味着你对某些东西说不。不管你是为委员会做一名志愿者而自愿地牺牲家庭时间，还是你无法拒绝一个邻居的晚宴邀请而不能去体育馆，总之，对每一件事情说好都会带来影响。
Tip: If yes has become your automatic answer, start saying, "I'll have to look into that and get back to you." Then, take a few minutes to consider what you want to do before you make any promises.
If you're used to answering questions based on what you think other people want to hear, you'll likely have difficulty making decisions. Everything from choosing a new pair of shoes to deciding where to eat lunch can seem like a life-altering choice when you've allowed other people's opinions to drown out your own voice.
觉得别人想听什么，如果你习惯基于这个做出回答，那么你很可能在做决定上有困难。当你允许别人的观点淹没自己的声音时，每一件事情——从选择一双新鞋到决定去哪里吃饭——就好像是改变生活的一种选择。
Tip: Make self-awareness a priority. Start paying attention to your likes and dislikes. Get to know which activities help you feel most alive and which drain your energy. With practice, you'll develop an increased awareness of your opinions.
Sometimes the people who are most likely to say yes to everyone else's requests are the least likely to ask others for help. If you struggle to ask for help—even with little favors or small tasks—you may be missing out on a lot of opportunities in life.
有时，那些很可能对每个人的要求说yes的人最不可能向他人求助。如果你很难向他人求助——即使是很小的帮助或微小的任务——你也可能会错过很多生命中的机遇。
Tip: Set out to make one simple request per day—even if it's as simple as asking a friend to proof-read an email or a co-worker to save you a seat at a meeting. The more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get asking for help.
4. You Aren't Living According to Your Values
你不是按照自己价值观生活。
If you invest all your energy into doing what you think others want, it's impossible to live according to your own values. If you value time with your children, yet you can't say no to a friend who always asks for favors, you'll struggle to do the things that are most important to you. There are only so many hours in the day, so it's important to invest your time doing the things that matter most to you.
如果你把全部的精力投入到思考他人想要什么，那么你想按照自己的价值观生活是不可能的。如果你珍惜和孩子们在一起的时光，你也无法拒绝那个总是向你求助的朋友，那么你会很难去做那些对你来说很重要的事情。一天就那么多的时间，所以把时间用来做你最在乎的事情，这一点很重要。
Tip: Examine how you spend most of your time each day and consider whether you're really devoting enough energy to the things that are most important to you. If not, establish goals that will help you start living more in sync with your values.
Whether you can't say no to a friend who constantly asks to borrow money, or you're afraid to speak up when your mother-in-law meddles in your marriage, unhealthy boundaries can wreak havoc on your life. When you let other people infringe on your time and space, you're likely to grow resentful toward them.
不管你是无法对那个经常向你借钱的朋友说No，还是婆婆干涉你们的婚姻时你不敢发声，不健康的界限会给你的生活造成浩劫。如果你允许别人对你的时间和空间指手画脚，那么你很可能会对他们升起怨恨之情。
Tip: Refuse to let people take advantage of you. Take back your power and accept that speaking up may cause people to become angry with you. Over time, you'll see that displeasing people isn't as bad you imagined.
It's impossible to feel mentally strong when all your energy goes toward pleasing everyone around you. The good news is you don't need permission from anyone else to take steps toward becoming the strongest and best version of yourself.
当你把所有的精力拿去取悦周围的每一个人时，想要感受到内心的强大是不可能的。好消息是你不必征求任何人的许可就能一步步变成最强大、最好的自己。