在我的前一篇博客里写道，嫉妒：当别人成功时我们为什么无法容忍，我曾暗示，嫉妒是一种普遍的经历，对于他人的成功我们也许会怨恨或者感到不舒服。我们可以分辨怨恨型嫉妒和消极型嫉妒的区别，怨恨型嫉妒是想让他人失败（幸灾乐祸）；当我们自己与他人对比时，消极型嫉妒会让我们感到悲伤和不如他人。两种情绪都不是快乐的体验。当我们感到嫉妒时或许可以按照下面的几种方式行动，这些行动最终会挖掘到自己的兴趣所在。
1. Motivation to change. 激发动力去改变。
A lot of times we hold onto a negative emotion because we think we are being realistic, honest about ourselves and entitled to feel whatever we feel. Everyone has a right to his or her feelings, but you can ask yourself what you think you are going to get out of your envy. Is this an emotion you would want someone you love to have? Would you send a holiday card that says, “I hope you feel envious this coming year”? You can have a right to your feelings, but you also have a right to change them. 有很多次我们紧紧抓着一种消极情绪不放，因为我们认为自己很现实、很诚实，并且有资格感受任何情绪。每个人都有权利有他或她的感觉，但是你可以问问自己如何做才能摆脱嫉妒之情。这种情绪是你想让你的爱人拥有的吗？你会寄出一张节日贺卡上面写着“我希望你下一年里感受到嫉妒”吗？你有权力有自己的感觉，但是你也有权力去改变它们。
2. The problem with status. 地位问题。
We often think that status is something that everyone agrees with. Academics get hung up on status, comparing their work with the work of other people in terms of the citations to their work. Actors get hung up on the success of another actor who might get a more lucrative contract or a more “in” role to play. In the corporate world, someone might get hung up on the office that is assigned to her or the title that they get. But status is a very local and transient thing. Go outside your small group of peers and you will realize that no one else really has any idea what you are talking about. Imagine an academic saying, “She got an article published in the Journal of Triviality”. No one cares. It’s trivial to the rest of the world.
我们常常觉得地位是一种人人都同意的东西。学者迷恋地位，将他们的论文与他人的论文比较，比较的依据的是他们论文中的文献资料。演员们关注其他演员的成功，他们（其他演员）可能得到一个更豪华的合同或者一个更“流行”的角色。在大公司中，有些人可能迷恋为她或他们所得头衔而指定的办公室。但是地位是一个非常局部和短暂性的东西。跳出你们同辈的小团体，你将明白，没有人真的了解你所说的东西。想象一个学者这样说。“她的一篇论文发表在Journal of Triviality上”。没有人在乎。这对世界上其余的人来说是件琐碎小事。
3. What is the sense of always comparing yourself with others? 总是拿自己和他人比较的意义是什么呢？
Some people are continually comparing themselves with other people. Now it might be helpful to know how you are doing, but that doesn’t require criticizing someone else’s success or thinking that you are a loser. Why not try focusing on getting your job done? Focus on the here and now. Or, if you are going to compare yourself with anyone, compare yourself with yourself. Try to do something even better the next time. Improve yourself rather than envy someone else.
有些人总是把自己和其他人比较。这样做可能会帮助你知道现在的你做得怎么样，但也无需批判别人的成功或者觉得自己的是个失败者。为什么不试着将注意力集中在你目前的工作上呢？专注于眼前和当下。或者，如果你打算拿自己和任何人比较，那么就拿自己和自己比较。下次试着做一些更好的事情。提高自己而不是嫉妒他人。
4. Think of status as a game. 将地位想成一个游戏。
Now there might be some advan tage in a promotion or in doing something that is recognized by people in your reference group. What if you were to think about the “status game”—a game that you play for a few minutes a couple of times a week. It’s like fantasy football. It’s fantasy. And be realistic about what you will really get with a little more status. Will your life really change if your status increases by 10%? What will really change? What remains the same?
现在地位可能在升职中是一种地位优势或是你的参照团体认可的一件事情。如果你将其看成一种“地位游戏”—— 一种你一个星期只花几分钟玩几次的游戏会怎么样呢？这就像一个幻想中的足球赛。它是想象中的。更多的专注于你能从现实中得到什么，而不仅仅执着于地位。如果你的地位升高10%，你的生活真的会发生改变吗？哪些方面会有变化呢？哪些当面会依旧如此呢？
5. Identify the negative thoughts that feed your envy. 确定喂养嫉妒情绪的消极想法。
