标题: 儿子与母亲 [打印本页] 作者: 范小成 时间: 2015-10-21 10:59 标题: 儿子与母亲 [attach]9543[/attach] Things may change, but underneath they stay the same
事情可能已经改变，但是潜藏的东西可能依旧如此。
Posted Oct 17, 2015
A five-year-old boy is playing on the swings, watched over by his mother. “Look at me, Mum! Look what I can do!”
一个五岁的小男孩正在玩秋千，被妈妈照看着。“看看我，妈妈！你看我能这样！”
A fifteen-year-old boy brings home his school report. “There!” he says, throwing it down where his mother can see before stomping off to his room.
一个15岁的男孩将学校的报告带回家。“给你！”他说，迈着重重的步子回房间之前会报告扔在母亲能看得到的地方。
Things change. It gets harder for sons to trust their mothers – not necessarily because of anything their mothers have done wrong but because what sons feel about their mothers gets more complicated. “She never understands about school or friends or anything like that! She still thinks I’m about five years old!” Even sitting next to her feels weird sometimes! Sons insist that they don’t need their mothers any more (“Honestly, I don’t!”) but they know this makes their mothers unhappy and they feel guilty about that. So they storm out and slam the door.
事情有所改变。儿子们开始很难信任自己的母亲——不一定是因为母亲做错了什么，而是因为儿子们对母亲的感觉变得更加复杂了。“她从来就不明白学校那些事、朋友间的那些事，又或者任何类似的事情！她依旧觉得我还是5岁！”有时候即使坐在她的身边我都感觉很奇怪。儿子们坚持称自己不再需要母亲（“老实说，我真的不需要！”），但是他们知道这样会使自己的母亲不开心，并且自己也会对此感到愧疚。所以他们只能猛地跺脚并且使劲地甩上门。
Developmentally, most boys start separating from their mothers at an early age, identifying more readily with their fathers. They’re encouraged in this by a culture that rewards them for being brave and independent while despising them for being clingy and fond. Boys find themselves out on their own, exposed, expected to need no one yet secretly longing to be re-connected with that original maternal love.
随着年龄的增长，大部分的男孩子会在较小的时候跟母亲分开，他们更乐意认同父亲。在文化的影响下男孩们会这样做，这种文化会奖励他们的勇敢和独立，同时也会鄙视粘人和被宠溺。男孩子们会自己发现，被期待着呈现出不需要任何人的表象，但是他们内心还是偷偷地渴望着与那种原始的母爱重新联系。
For a teenage boy to be emotionally reunited with his mother, able to receive her love without shame, his warrior credentials must first be acknowledged: all the ways in which he’s fended for himself, dealing so bravely with the world, needing no one to help him.
对于一个青少年男孩来说，在情感上重新与母亲相连，能够毫不羞耻地接受来自母亲的爱，那么首先必须承认他作为战士的资格：他用尽所有的方法保护自己，如此勇敢地应对着这个世界里出现的困难，无需任何人帮助。
“You’ve done well, Blake,” I say to him as his counsellor, “surviving on your own since your dad left, and no one will ever be able to take that away from you. And I think that now, like a lot of strong men, you’ve reached a point where you’re strong enough to ask for help and honest enough to know that you want more from life. Not just popularity and sex but people who’ll appreciate that there’s more to you than just your fearlessness….”
“你已经做的很好了，布莱克，”作为他的咨询师我这样对他说，“自从你父亲走了之后你就靠自己生活，并且没有人能从你这里夺走这种能力。我觉得现在，你已经很像一个非常坚强的男人了。你已经足够强大到寻求帮助，并且足够诚实地去了解你想要从生活中得到更多。不仅仅是人气和性，而是人们慢慢意识到更多的你，而不仅仅是你的无所畏惧……。”
He looks pleased.
他看起来开心了。
“People who’ll appreciate that you’re also a loyal person who feels things deep down that they don’t even know about. They might think they know you, but my guess is that they don’t. And trusting people to know things about you is bound to be hard after all that’s happened.”
“那些人意识到你也是一个忠诚的人，你也会从内心深处感知事情，但是他们并不知道。他们可能觉得自己了解你，但是我猜想他们实际上并不了解。相信人们了解关于自己的事情，这势必很难，毕竟这种事情用之前发生过。”
He nods in agreement and we’ve made a start; we’ve found a way of acknowledging his need without embarrassing or humiliating him.
他点头以示同意，而且我们已经做了一个开始，我们已经找到了一个方法在不需要感觉到尴尬或丢脸的情况下承认自己的需要。
Things change on the surface but underneath – secretly - they stay the same. Sons still want their mothers to think they’re great. They still want their mothers to be impressed with their cleverness and bravery. It still feels brilliant when their mothers stick up for them against their fathers and they still remember the old days - being off school sick and watching TV wrapped in a duvet on the sofa with her bringing food and hot drinks. “I wouldn’t mind if she did that nowadays, but she doesn’t know what I like any more, so it gets a bit embarrassing!”
事情在表面上变化了，但是潜藏的——暗地里的——依然一样。儿子们依然想要母亲觉得自己很棒。他们依然想要留给母亲自己很聪明且很勇敢的印象。当母亲为他们辩护对抗他们的父亲时，他们依旧会感觉很好，且他们也依旧记得那些过去的日子——上学的时候请病假，盖着被子蜷缩在沙发上看电视，妈妈会拿来吃的和热饮。“如果她现在还是这样做的话我不会介意，但是她不知道我现在不再喜欢这样了，所以每当这个时候就会让我觉得有点尴尬。”
A fifteen-year-old boy is talking about his mother. “She’s always coming into my room and having a go at me! We hardly talk any more. But don’t get me wrong: if anyone laid a finger on her, I’d kill them!”
一个15岁的孩子正在谈论他的母亲。“她经常走进我的房间，并且埋怨我！我们很难再多说几句。但是千万别误解我：如果任何人敢碰她一下，我一定会杀了他们！”
A five-year-old boy is talking about his mother. “I want to marry my mum!”
一个五岁的小男孩谈论自己的母亲。“我想和妈妈结婚！”