The appreciation from his mom and from Edna eased John's annoyance. Seeing his mother's joy at her having been able to make this contribution to the church calmed virtually all of his negative feelings. Maybe that's one reason why he had said yes instead of no. John loved his mom and took great pleasure in being able to bring delight to her. In this case, the reward proved worth the effort.
来自母亲和埃德娜的感谢抚平了约翰的恼怒。看到母亲因为为教堂做出了贡献而获得喜悦，约翰感到所有的负面情绪都平复了。可能这就是用yes替代 no的原因之一。约翰爱他的母亲，并且给母亲带来快乐的同时也能使自己获得极大的快乐。在这个例子中，回报证明，努力是值得的。
In many cases though, no amount of reward can make a request worth responding to with a yes. How then can you say no? Use the sandwhich formula. Tuck your no in between two yeses, that is, between two positive statements.
然而在很多的情况下，再大的回报也不值得回应一个“yes”。那么你该如何说“no”呢？运用三明治公式。将no夹在两个yes之间，也就是说，将拒绝放在两个积极的陈述之间。
Mom: Can you help me bring these boxes to the church this morning?
妈妈：今天早上你能帮我把这几箱物品送去教堂吗？
John: 1) Yes mom, I can see that you will need help with the boxes. There are a lot of them. 2) At the same time, I have other commitments this morning I need to take care of so I need to say no. 3) Here's an idea. How about if I check on the web for a listing of people looking for odd jobs. Someone will be very happy to have this few hours of work.
约翰：1) 好的妈妈，我知道你需要帮助来搞定这些箱子。箱子实在太多了。 2) 但同时，今天早上我还有其他的承诺需要完成，所以我不得不拒绝帮你了。3) 不过我有个主意。我在网上找找看有没有人愿意打零工。肯定有一些人乐意做几个小时零工的。
In this case John made the second piece of bread in her positivity sandwhich a suggestion for an alternative solution. In other cases, more agreement, appreciation, or gratitude of some sort are other forms of positivity that can work.
在这个例子中，约翰在这个积极三明治的第二层面包中，使用了一个建议来作为替代性选择。在其他的情况下，较多的同意、感谢或者感激之类的回答也是积极性的其他形式，同样也可以起到作用。
John: Yes mom, I can see you'll need help with the boxes. I won't be able to help because I've already committed that time elsewhere. Thanks mom for asking me though. Most of the time I love being able to help you out.
约翰：好的妈妈。我能明白你需要帮助搞定这些箱子。但我恐怕没法帮你，因为那个时间段我已经答应去做别的事情了。还是感谢您能询问我。大多数时候我还是非常乐意帮助您的。
Why does the positivity sandwich work?
为什么这种积极的三明治会起作用？
Any sentence with no or not in it will have a downer emotional impact on the listener. Offering a dollop of positivity with a yes at the outset plus another dollop of positivity afterwards leaves the recipient of the no overall feeling good about you and about the relationship with you even if you did give a no to the specific request. Try it!
任何含有不或不可以的句子都会给倾听者带来较低的情绪影响。在一开始的时候提供一点含有yes(这里指肯定的答案)积极性答案，之后再加一点其他的肯定性答案，这样会使接受者对你有好的感觉，比全部否定好得多，并且对于你们之间的关系也很好，即使你在具体的请求上说了NO。尝试一下这个策略吧！
